theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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