i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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