scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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