he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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