D3 body, D1 cock
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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