if you like me you must not know who I am
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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