my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Enjoy the penises
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
