wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
