I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
