i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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