i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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