Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
