my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
