Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
