my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
