just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
