marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
