Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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