Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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