Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
