Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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