I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
