Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
