I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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