I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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