I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
