you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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