I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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