Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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