Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My first STD was from a foam party
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize