I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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