Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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