there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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