normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
