I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
