Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
