i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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