Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
