i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
