Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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