It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
