I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
