dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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