I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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