Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
