do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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