I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
