Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize