So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
MIDGETS
????
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
