THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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