I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
