there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
