I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
