so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
