i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
