All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize