I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I faked an abortion last night.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
