9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
