i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
