I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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