so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
did i walk over a car last night?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
