Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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