You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
