I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
