Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize