I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize