So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
