i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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