Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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