I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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