he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize