I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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