Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
