I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize