just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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