I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize