I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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