Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
