i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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