There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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