Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
