I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
