i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
