The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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