And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize