I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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