a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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