No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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