Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
