Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
