I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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