if you like me you must not know who I am
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
