UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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