dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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