Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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