she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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