Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
