i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
