Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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