people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just gargled with NyQuil
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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