Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize