I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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