he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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