Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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