Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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