So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
