idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize