so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
