After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my shit smells like andre
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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