I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
